I had to write a second entry for today, because this is a really important day for me, it was right about now, seven years ago, 2/22/2002, that I woke from anesthesia and my surgeon told me the news, that I had breast cancer. There is no way to predict or describe how one feels or reacts to that kind of news, numb, stoic, shock, indifference because you are groggy and not processing anything being told to you, denial, this of course can’t possibly happen to me. No fear, not yet, that comes later.
Seven years later, though the experience is still fresh, it has clouded over by time, and it has been, properly in my opinion, reduced to just one chapter of an interesting and creative life. To say that this experience changed the way I view life would be an understatement. Ask anyone who has tasted mortality, and they will tell you that each day becomes precious, and that fear dissipates, what’s the worse that can happen, I might die? Well I’ve been there. I remember being on a tiny plane, tossing about in the sky, on my way to the Pendleton ANWG conference not long after I finished my treatment. I was coincidently sitting next to someone who was attending the conference as well. As we were tossed about, there was an odd calm between us, she had also been through a medical issue that allowed her to see her mortality, and we both knew there was nothing to do but ride out the storm. And if it wasn’t in our deck of cards to survive, well then there was the trust that the universe had a plan, and we were a part of it. I know that all sounds like a bit of pontification, but survivors know, it isn’t about what happens in your life, it is what you ultimately do with it.
I did survive, seven more years, and I’d like to think I’ll be around for another 7, or 14, or 28 or more. And I’d like to think that in that time there will be many more pieces to create, and grand adventures to experience. I created a piece of artwork, that made the memory of my experience very visible, yet celebratory, titled Survivor, which I won’t post here because it is a graphic piece, but just click on the title and you can view it. I rewove the piece in miniature for the Small Expressions show and for the Economies of Scale show, both talked about in earlier blogs.
Life isn’t about how many body parts you have or don’t have, it isn’t about the body at all. It is just a vehicle to get us through the life we have at the moment, and making the body we have do what we need it to do to celebrate each day. So every 2/22, I celebrate my own personal anniversary of survival, and remember to seize each day, and make the most of it.
At one point the room full of 18 year olds, emptied as they all went out side on the terrace, and the couple of us there over the age of 40 (over 50 for me) took full advantage of the DJ, dancing like we were 18 again, to things like ABBA’s Dancing Queen. Even my mom at 78 got in there, saying, “If Meryl Streep can do it, so can I!”
Lots of email today, lots to answer, spent awhile at the shipper getting everything in order to head to California ahead of me. Once I finally plowed through all that stuff, I got to do what I really wanted to do, which was make progress on the jacket. First I had to alter all the pieces to lengthen the waist, so I spliced in some additional pattern paper, and because my original pencil lines were fading, I traced everything again with a black sharpie. I used a hunk of cardboard underneath because the pattern medium is so porous that the ink bleeds right through all over my rotary cutting board. I had to respace the buttons as well.
The next step was to layout the pieces to make sure I would have enough fabric. I ALWAYS cut handwoven fabric singly, you only have to try it once doubled to know that no matter how accurate you are, the underneath layer will be a couple grainlines off and then the whole left or right side of the garment will be off as well. So I carefully layout everything, remembering to flip when I cut the opposite piece. It was pretty clear I would have plenty of fabric, and then some (maybe enough to squeak out a little pencil skirt?)
There are a lot of pieces in this jacket. Before I removed each pattern piece to flip for the other half, I transferred the marks with tailors tacks, which need only be one pass through since the fabric is single. I learned a trick when I was teaching in Colorado, to use a single strand of six strand embroidery floss as the tailor tack thread instead of sewing thread which is really smooth and falls out easily. The floss is spun in a way that it stays put much better.
In one area, the collar/front piece, which is a cut four, because the whole thing acts as a facing as well, was a fraction too wide for the fabric. So I did my quick trick of taking a hunk of selvedge from another area, and whipping it together with the other selvedge, and violá, instant wider fabric! Handwoven selvedges are really easy to butt, and they are really invisible unless you have messy selvedges.
I still have to cut the lining and the interfacing, I’ll interface the entire garment with a fusible, which one I’m not sure since I still have to test on some scraps, but I assembled all the elements I have so far for the jacket. I found a half yard of navy blue Ultrasuede that I’ll use for the lips of the bound buttonholes, and the welt pockets, and I have tons of floss in the same color as the felt belt I want to cut up for piping, in case I decide to couch some details.
Thanks for all your great comments about the lines of the felt/piping, I should say that I am rather embarassed, I got so carried away in Photoshop I failed to notice that the princess lines come from the shoulder, not the middle of the sleeve, so in fact the piping line comes straight over the shoulder and I think will give a great line to the jacket. It is one of those things that I won’t know until I actually sew the thing, worst case is I hate it and take it apart. You can do that with sewing. I do it a lot…
I haven’t been on the road for awhile, so I am sort of not in the traveling mind set. I leave for the 
Once I bound the huge stack of handouts (I printed 18 books each for the 
OK, so I sat through the movie, which was excellent, we went to see Doubt, beautifully shot, great angles and juxtapositions through the camera lens that really added dimension to the story, but I was really thinking about whether I wanted to put the lime green felt edge piping around the collar/front edge, or in the princess seams. So I played around in Photoshop, using the rubber stamp tool, with a photo of the muslin, and a separate photo of a close up of the fabric. It really gave me an idea of the jacket in the fabric, which I really like, and then I could take a green “pencil”, and sort of simulate the “piping”. I’m thinking that around the collar and down the front, looks sort of expected, but in the princess seams, there is a real slimming line that occurs, and accents the body shape. I think it will look especially graphic in the back. So I’m posting the photos, and will mull this over while I sleep, and revisit it tomorrow.